


Lights Up

by det395



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Gay Bar, Japan, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:09:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21568930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/det395/pseuds/det395
Summary: Dan and Phil visit a gay bar in Osaka.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 23
Kudos: 117





	Lights Up

**Author's Note:**

> [the bar I referenced!](https://gayweekends.com/en/object/g-physique-osaka/)

Dan looks back at Phil and they share amused smiles. They know they’re awkward, shuffling into a bright bar with pounding music where they aren’t going to talk to anyone. They duck under the door frame and assess their surroundings like lost children. 

The noise could be worse, Dan thinks, especially when he recalls what clubbing was like in university. It still feels like a complete transformation, like a portal to a new universe when they step in, consumed by the colours and the light and the music. Maybe he’s dramatic but compared to the impersonal, busy streets it feels like he’s suddenly visible and hyper-alert. 

“Welcome!” A strong Japanese accent calls from the bar. Dan smiles and waves as friendly as he can muster through his weird vibe. He doesn’t notice Phil trying to beckon Dan towards the bar until his hand is grabbed. He gets his feet moving.

“Where you guys from?” The bartender has an overwhelming energy, scrubbing the counter and smiling widely at them.

“England!” Phil says.

“Oh! Welcome to Japan,” he says.

“Domo arigatou!” Phil nods and bends down slightly, smiling wide, his own energy instantly matching the kind bartenders. Dan hangs back slightly.

“What can I get for you?”

Phil hesitantly speaks in Japanese, a slow, choppy translation. Dan huffs a short laugh. Phil’s asking for the bartenders' recommendation, just like he’s done at every food and drink place they’ve been, determined to try new things and be a little adventurous. It’s gotten a bit excessive, all the expensive raw seafood and sake.

Phil looks back at Dan finally, nodding and lifting his eyebrows. Dan smiles reassuringly.

There are men everywhere, a range of ages, some he can tell are tourists, others likely local, judging by how comfortable they appear lounging in stools. Everyone seems laid back, actually, drinking and talking and laughing. Shirts unbuttoned and tight pants abound, especially the young adults at the karaoke machine swaying to pop music. Everything seems lit up, bright neons under every shelf and lights along every wall, every colour of the rainbow. A giant pride flag takes up most of the window, blocking anyone from seeing in.

The bartender puts down two bright green drinks. Phil goes “ooh” then thanks the bartender in better practiced Japanese. Dan repeats it, smiling as politely as he can.

Phil grabs his hand again and leads him to a table. Dan slides across from Phil in the tall booth and they both take an experimental sip of their drinks before nodding in approval. 

Dan doesn’t make himself smile, he looks around the room and tries to ground himself.

“I like the vibe. I guess the dance floors upstairs you said, right? But its chill here.” Phil yells over the music.

“Yeah.”

“We could just have one drink?”

Dan sighs, letting his eyes wander. “I want to stay. I don’t know why I feel weird.” He sees a pair of men who are clearly seducing each other, sitting close with hands wandering.

“I thought you might.”

“You’ve done this before, I haven’t,” Dan comments. First time stepping into a gay bar in all twenty-eight years of living. Why must it make him feel strange? Did years of therapy not prepare him for having a casual drink alongside other gay men?

“Yeah,” Phil says.

“I don’t want to ruin this, but I feel like I’ve been deprived of happiness all my life. I wish I’d gone to a gay bar when I was getting fucked up at 18. I wish we’d have gone. We haven’t ever gone clubbing together!” He exclaims.

Phil’s mouth twitches amusedly.

“You know, for the experience.”

“Imagine us gettin’ all horny, nuh-uh.”

“What?” Dan half shrieks.

“You would have tried to grind on me, or something.”

Dan laughs. “I’m appalled. When have I ever done something like that?”

Phil giggles. “I just think you would have, given the chance. I’m saying, like, you at eighteen.”

“Yeah. No. I have more self-control than you.”

Phil raises his eyebrows.

“Who do you take me for?” 

Phil shrugs and looks at him teasingly. “I might have enabled you.”

Dan rolls his eyes. Then he leans back in his chair and groans. “Why does my brain freak out about everything? Why can’t we just have fun?”

He looks back at the men around the bar. It’s horrible that he’s kind of jealous. Many people in this room have probably had far worse struggles than him. But nonetheless, Dan wishes he could go to a gay bar after work and find a place of solace outside of his bedroom.

“You want to go grind upstairs?” Phil wiggles in his seat and Dan kicks him.

“We belong here. We’re allowed to let people know about us. Isn’t that weird?”

“Yeah.”

Dan takes a sip of his drink then slides off the chair. He moves to sit on the bench next to Phil.

“Are we gonna be that couple? I kind of hate it when couples sit on the same side of the table,” Phil says.

“It’s an experiment.” Dan shuffles until their thighs are together then throws an arm around Phil’s shoulder. 

“An experiment?”

“There’s little chance someone here will a: recognize us, and b: take a picture. I’m just trying to think about how normal couples get to act, how they feel without eyes on them.”

Dan keeps his eyes on Phil’s. He doesn’t look and see if anyone is staring at them, doesn’t check for phone cameras, he just stares at Phil’s dilated pupils with intent.

“You want PDA now?” Phil asks.

“I’m just angry, y’know, it's hard to reconcile what I missed out on as a teenager, but I also had to miss out on adulthood experiences. If I had been prouder earlier, this wouldn’t make me feel slightly sick to my stomach.” Dan finally lets himself look to the room, to the people ignoring them. 

Phil squeezes his knee.

“But I also like how I feel in Japan, like we’re hidden in the crowd and being inspired by all this new culture and activity around us, it makes me feel less...restrained,” Dan says.

Phil doesn’t make fun of him for being cheesy today, he just nods sympathetically.

A pop song he recognizes plays, though it's something he can’t name. The young men singing karaoke have clearly been drinking heavily and they lean into each other as they yell into the mic. That could have been Dan at some point, he thinks, watching them.

He turns back to Phil and meets his eyes. With a gentle hand, he steadies Phil’s chin and leans in, pressing their lips together for a few seconds. The vibrations of activity and sound stay present in Dan’s ear, making him self aware of every movement. 

They pull back and their mouths slowly stretch into amused smiles.

“The world didn’t explode,” Dan says.

“I don’t hear any screams of pain, but it could be the music drowning them out.”

Dan looks around theatrically, “I don’t see any blood.”

“Now more people than just Mum have witnessed us kiss.”

“I told you to never remind me of that night.” 

Phil laughs into his hand. Dan keeps his arm around Phil and grabs his drink. He feigns casualness despite his buzzing nerves. 

“I’m calm. It’s fine,” Dan says, mostly to himself, leaning back into the bench. “No more freaking out, let's enjoy these fucking amazing cocktails.”

They chat about what they’re going to do tomorrow, but Dan’s attention is turned outward. He people-watches, admires the scattered artwork on the wall, imagines how people feel as they drink and laugh. He smiles at the certificates and the declarations near the front, he knows this bar does advocacy work and it’s almost enough to bring tears to his eyes as he squeezes Phil’s boney shoulders. 

They place their empty glasses on the bar after they finish and then thank the kind man behind the bar, dropping a large wad of rolled-up yen into a cup. 

Nippy air runs over their faces as they emerge outside. They zip up their jackets and meander down the pavement, half-watching for a taxi. It's too beautiful out, too interesting with the night suddenly alive to be impatient about leaving this place. They bump shoulders and share looks that make it known how the rest of their night will be, in the safe confines of their hotel room that looks out upon this city where no one knows them.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr link](https://det395.tumblr.com/post/189305679787/lights-up)   
>  [i also made a moodboard](https://det395.tumblr.com/post/619024127621316609/we-belong-here-were-allowed-to-let-people-know)


End file.
